Are you dreading tomorrow? Do you want to just slap the next person who asks you what your resolutions are? Is it even worth getting a babysitter to go out?
Hey, I hear you! New Years can be filled with just as much pressure as Christmas and Thanksgiving. People are expecting you to be grand and giddy and you just want to acci-purposely take an extra sleeping pill.
Let me tell you a secret. I do my resolutions when the new school year starts, so Friday is only going to be a checkup. Here’s my resolution list and my double check:
A: take what I have and enhance it = this means that I’m grateful for what I’ve been given and will run with those gifts.
For example, I can put on muscle like crazy, but don’t have the lungs for running. So, I’m going to focus on getting a really cut body. I won’t give up on cardio but I’m not going to judge myself against my best friend because she’s a marathoner.
B: passion, passion, passion every day!
This is passion as a life force. Pure enjoyment of my environment. You can’t possibly give joy to others if you are not overflowing in it yourself. I’m going to paint in my house, wear more jewelry, try cooking and eating new foods, find a way to link my teaching skills into a service, and do a core training class just to be sure my life is juicy every day.
C: Slow down and throw out = Double check
1. Is this (whatever activity or person) bringing or fulfilling passion for me?
2. Is this (blank) helping me reach my personal goals? It could be a great deal or opportunity, but is it sidetracking or pushing me forward?
3. Is it scary? If so, I’m probably on the right track.
Let’s be honest, if you are really passionate about something, you’ll do it. Nothing can stop you. But if your heart and soul aren’t in it then it means you are trying to live up to someone else’s goals for you. I don’t care what it is, weight, smoking, spending, cleaning, if you tackle it like a kid, focused and determined while having fun, you can do it. If you feel you “have to” and its drudgery then you’ll hate every minute and quit by February.
When you love who you are, your love will overflow to everyone else. The one drop can become a tidal wave. That’s the real goal of 2010! And yes, the babysitter is SO worth it.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
A Different Disney
Last night we went to see Disney’s new movie, “Princess and the Frog”. This film is about a servant’s daughter, Tiana, in New Orleans. Her daddy had a dream of opening a restaurant, and when he passed away, the dream became hers. She always worked 2 jobs to save money to buy the sugar mill and restore it to fulfill her dream, even when her friends were begging her to go out. Of course, there is a prince. But here he is plum broke and quite lazy; though full of suave charm and love of life.
What I loved about this movie:
1. The heroine is black. Besides Pocahontas and Mulan, this is a huge diversion off the Disney princess usual carriage route. Tiana is kind, fair, hard working and quite sassy.
2. It’s set in New Orleans, so you get to learn about a bit of American culture = the people, habits, architecture, food, customs, and languages.
3. The underlying theme is that people and family are more important than money. Tiana learns that all work and no play are just as bad as the prince who learns that all play gets you nothing. Dreaming combined with dedication is needed to aspire….but if you have no friends or family to share your success with, life is very hollow.
Of course, my kids’ favorite was the line was from Ray, the firefly, “Don’t you make me light up my butt!” Can’t beat basic humor with them.
No matter the age, elementary to high school, I think this is a good movie for you to open up discussions with your children about money, customs, our country’s sordid history, human rights, working hard for a goal, and choosing friends.
What I loved about this movie:
1. The heroine is black. Besides Pocahontas and Mulan, this is a huge diversion off the Disney princess usual carriage route. Tiana is kind, fair, hard working and quite sassy.
2. It’s set in New Orleans, so you get to learn about a bit of American culture = the people, habits, architecture, food, customs, and languages.
3. The underlying theme is that people and family are more important than money. Tiana learns that all work and no play are just as bad as the prince who learns that all play gets you nothing. Dreaming combined with dedication is needed to aspire….but if you have no friends or family to share your success with, life is very hollow.
Of course, my kids’ favorite was the line was from Ray, the firefly, “Don’t you make me light up my butt!” Can’t beat basic humor with them.
No matter the age, elementary to high school, I think this is a good movie for you to open up discussions with your children about money, customs, our country’s sordid history, human rights, working hard for a goal, and choosing friends.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Trust Your Gut
Yesterday I went to my post-operation check up. My surgeon asked how I was doing (feeling great), if I was taking it easy (ummmm, can you define “easy”), and if I’ve tested out the system with pizza (no, lasagna). I got a big check mark of health and my scars (there are 4) are healing okay. Then came the pathology report.
“Well, it says here that you had chronic inflammation and stones. I’m glad you made the decision to have us proceed. You must have been in some pain for a long time.”
I so badly wanted to say, “No sh*t Sherlock” but I refrained. He’s a nice man. Neither the swelling nor stones showed up on the ultrasound before the surgery, so forcing him to take my money and remove my gall bladder was strictly my doing. Woo Hoo – I’m not a crazy hypochondriac! And it’s not just A) stress, B) too much junk food, or C) too much liquor in college. Okay, I’ll give you the stress, but otherwise I eat a lot of organic foods and, believe it or not, didn’t drink in college, not even much pop.
What this is telling me and you is that as women we have a 6th sense and we need to follow it. Call it women’s intuition, gut feelings, instinct, para-normal, mother nature, whatever….we all know we have the ability to tune in and we need to pay heed to it more often. I knew there was something wrong with my body and I had to go to the extreme surgery to prove it.
I believe that sometimes we become so strong on the outside, especially to others looking at us, that we forget to pay attention to our insides. Not just our physical, but mental and emotional too. As you are reading this, start at the top of your head and work down, asking yourself “How does this feel?” Make an inventory of yourself. When you are done, make some appointments to correct/discover what isn’t right. If you regular doctor isn’t helpful, try an alternative. Be sure your hormones are level, your back is aligned, and your body is detoxed. Those three things are your solid foundation.
Trust yourself! You know you the best. There is no trophy for being in pain the longest, whether physical or emotion. It doesn’t make you a better mother or woman. I am learning the hard way about taking care of myself first, so if you can learn from my mistakes, all the better. I am rewarding myself tomorrow with a concert by Stephen Lynch. I plan to laugh for hours and flood my body with good, healing endorphins. Cheers to the power of laughter!!
“Well, it says here that you had chronic inflammation and stones. I’m glad you made the decision to have us proceed. You must have been in some pain for a long time.”
I so badly wanted to say, “No sh*t Sherlock” but I refrained. He’s a nice man. Neither the swelling nor stones showed up on the ultrasound before the surgery, so forcing him to take my money and remove my gall bladder was strictly my doing. Woo Hoo – I’m not a crazy hypochondriac! And it’s not just A) stress, B) too much junk food, or C) too much liquor in college. Okay, I’ll give you the stress, but otherwise I eat a lot of organic foods and, believe it or not, didn’t drink in college, not even much pop.
What this is telling me and you is that as women we have a 6th sense and we need to follow it. Call it women’s intuition, gut feelings, instinct, para-normal, mother nature, whatever….we all know we have the ability to tune in and we need to pay heed to it more often. I knew there was something wrong with my body and I had to go to the extreme surgery to prove it.
I believe that sometimes we become so strong on the outside, especially to others looking at us, that we forget to pay attention to our insides. Not just our physical, but mental and emotional too. As you are reading this, start at the top of your head and work down, asking yourself “How does this feel?” Make an inventory of yourself. When you are done, make some appointments to correct/discover what isn’t right. If you regular doctor isn’t helpful, try an alternative. Be sure your hormones are level, your back is aligned, and your body is detoxed. Those three things are your solid foundation.
Trust yourself! You know you the best. There is no trophy for being in pain the longest, whether physical or emotion. It doesn’t make you a better mother or woman. I am learning the hard way about taking care of myself first, so if you can learn from my mistakes, all the better. I am rewarding myself tomorrow with a concert by Stephen Lynch. I plan to laugh for hours and flood my body with good, healing endorphins. Cheers to the power of laughter!!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Simple Holiday
Well, it’s that time of year again. The hustle and bustle of the holidays tends to overshadow what the holidays are actually about = peace and giving. We are bombarded with a media blitz on the perfect table, perfect meal, perfect gift, perfect families who have perfect personalities…..But when asked “What is your favorite memory or tradition of the holidays?” it’s never any of those media “perfect” things. You hear a lot of “baking cookies with my mom”, “stringing popcorn on the tree”, “going to midnight service on Christmas Eve”, “the smell of the tree nursery”, “serving dinner for the homeless”, “playing cards until past midnight with my uncles”, “my grandma’s spiced apples and cider”.
We all say the holidays aren’t about money, but let’s not fool ourselves. Buying becomes a duty, rather than an inspiration of love. Spending money or lack of money is always on the brain. Kids may understand that the gift they want is out of the budget, but that doesn’t hide their disappointment. If there are divorced parents, many times the holidays are a competition for time and presents.
Collectively we can call a stop to the madness! We’ve just now skipped into December and you can start new traditions now. Think about your most wonderful memories. Now, think about the things that will need to change so you can incorporate the traditions you really love. Something has to be let go! Probably many things need to be let go if we’re being honest with ourselves. And nothing has to be in stone – you can try something else next year. Call a Cease Fire. Do some yoga and simplify.
Here are a few things we do with our family:
*Our kids get 3 gifts and a stocking. One from Santa (unwrapped), one from Mom and Dad, and one from siblings.
*We try to watch the 25 days of Christmas on ABC or supplement with our own videos.
*We cut out, bake, and decorate cookies with real pastry bags of frosting. Yes, it’s a mess, but the rule is you get to eat the broken cookies and every year there are pictures of dark colored tongues.
*Cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning, which is spent alone at our house if at all possible, in PJ’s all day.
*We “adopt” foster children and load them up with the winter essentials and small toys.
*Check out holiday books from the library (okay, and buy from B&N, I’m a sucker for books). The Polar Express is still the favorite.
* I always loved spending the night with cousins after Christmas, playing with everyone’s new toys, and now my children are doing it. I love to watch them get excited about being with their cousins.
*Eating Kringles, Leftsa, German Almond cookies, Chow Mein cookies, and almond dipped pretzels.
*Going to see the Trans Syberian Orchestra.
*My mother-in-law’s side of the family do Christmas in the summer or fall. Everyone can fly/drive in nice weather and less risk of illness thwarting the fun.
Let me know what traditions you love, what you are proudly ditching, and maybe what things you want to start this year. We can all come together, share ideas, and make the holidays about peace and giving to ourselves as well as others.
We all say the holidays aren’t about money, but let’s not fool ourselves. Buying becomes a duty, rather than an inspiration of love. Spending money or lack of money is always on the brain. Kids may understand that the gift they want is out of the budget, but that doesn’t hide their disappointment. If there are divorced parents, many times the holidays are a competition for time and presents.
Collectively we can call a stop to the madness! We’ve just now skipped into December and you can start new traditions now. Think about your most wonderful memories. Now, think about the things that will need to change so you can incorporate the traditions you really love. Something has to be let go! Probably many things need to be let go if we’re being honest with ourselves. And nothing has to be in stone – you can try something else next year. Call a Cease Fire. Do some yoga and simplify.
Here are a few things we do with our family:
*Our kids get 3 gifts and a stocking. One from Santa (unwrapped), one from Mom and Dad, and one from siblings.
*We try to watch the 25 days of Christmas on ABC or supplement with our own videos.
*We cut out, bake, and decorate cookies with real pastry bags of frosting. Yes, it’s a mess, but the rule is you get to eat the broken cookies and every year there are pictures of dark colored tongues.
*Cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning, which is spent alone at our house if at all possible, in PJ’s all day.
*We “adopt” foster children and load them up with the winter essentials and small toys.
*Check out holiday books from the library (okay, and buy from B&N, I’m a sucker for books). The Polar Express is still the favorite.
* I always loved spending the night with cousins after Christmas, playing with everyone’s new toys, and now my children are doing it. I love to watch them get excited about being with their cousins.
*Eating Kringles, Leftsa, German Almond cookies, Chow Mein cookies, and almond dipped pretzels.
*Going to see the Trans Syberian Orchestra.
*My mother-in-law’s side of the family do Christmas in the summer or fall. Everyone can fly/drive in nice weather and less risk of illness thwarting the fun.
Let me know what traditions you love, what you are proudly ditching, and maybe what things you want to start this year. We can all come together, share ideas, and make the holidays about peace and giving to ourselves as well as others.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Money Tricks
Money Tricks:
The general consensus among most parents, but especially sped parents, is that our kid’s medical bills are astronomical. I’m guessing most of us are on a payment plan with the hospitals. That’s our life. Plain and simple. I’m here to tell you that while our money may be counted for every penny, there are ways for you to set some money aside for yourself. Yes, I dared say it. Money just for you….not your children. Here’s a few tricks just for you…..
Did you know you can claim some medical expenses on your taxes? You will need to use an accountant who knows what they are doing with this particular topic! Fact is SPED kids have a lot of medical bills and a lot of extra expenses that you can’t claim on your taxes but that make life livable (like Sami’s toilet platform, clothes that fit, organic food). That’s where the accountant can help you sort through. The only time we were able to use the medical tax deduction was when we built our house. It was very tricky because we had to itemize each special expense compared to a normal house building expense (example: a normal door was $88 and ours were $108 because they were wider – we could use the $20 difference in our figures). Check with your accountant, but as I understand it, anything surpassing 7.5% of your salary spent for out of pocket medical stuff could be used as a tax credit type thingy (hey, I’m not an accountant). So, if you make $50,000, you’d have to spend more than $3750 in out of pocket expenses. Every dollar over the $3750 could be counted – not the first $3750. Check out the IRS website for specifics at http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p502.pdf . It’s worth it if you are really racking up the hospital visits and living accommodations. Even your mileage counts.
And speaking of IRS regulations: A 401(k), 403(b), and 457 are all retirement plans you can contribute to through payroll deductions (ingeniously named after the codes). Each has limits to the deposit amounts and each has it’s own rules about how long you have to keep the money in the account (and penalties for early withdraws – it’s retirement money, not a savings account). The great thing about these plans is that they are automatically done in payroll so you aren’t writing checks with what’s left at the end of the month and the limits are much higher than personal IRA’s so you can really sock away some funds for yourself! And if you are lucky, your employer will match some of your contributions for a little extra boost.
Knowledge is Power:
For each of these plans, you can choose Mutual Funds or Annuities to invest in. Both are just collections of stocks and bonds in nice little packages.
Stocks = pieces of ownership in a company, higher risk
Bonds = basically IOU’s, low risk, low returns
I like to think of Mutual Funds as pizzas. You have stocks and bonds that are like the toppings all spread out so that everyone gets a little bit, and you are only buying a slice of the pizza. Lots of people can put in their $5 and get a slice too. It’s a way to diversify and obtain many different stocks without having to put all of your nest egg into just one company (Enron anyone?). Mutual Fund companies differ in their hands on approaches. Some let you do most of it, some have more involved advisors.
An Annuity is a contract with an insurance company where they will invest your money for you in the same stocks and bonds as Mutual Funds (some even have Mutual Funds under their Annuity umbrella). It’s not life insurance! It’s just them investing your money. Typically, annuities have more fees involved than straight Mutual Funds because they usually come with some kind of guarantee (for instance: they may guarantee you won’t lose your initial investment) and they are supposedly watching your money for you more than other companies.
With both Mutual Funds and Annuities, you will need to watch out for surrender fees!!! These are fees the company charges you if you decide to move your money before they are willing to give your money up. I’ve heard of some companies having up to seven years before you can freely take your money without penalty. This usually comes into effect if you aren’t happy with your “profit” returns and want to change companies. Again, these are retirement accounts and not savings or emergency accounts. It’s not money for your kid, it’s money for you!
In a general sense, 401(k)’s are for profit businesses, 403(b)’s are for non-profits (like charities and schools) and 457’s are for government employees (police, fire, schools, city government, etc…). Did you notice that schools are listed twice? They are the only people who qualify for two separate plans and they can double up on their retirement savings. Lord knows they deserve a huge retirement after teaching for 30 years!!! The 403(b) and 457 are NOT the state retirement pension plans - these are on top of the state plans - where you control the dollar amount and investment company.
Your age, number of years to retirement, and goals should determine what Mutual Funds or Annuities you invest in. If an advisor asks you first how much money you have, turn around and walk out! They should find out what your life is about and where you want to be first, so they can work backwards to find a plan for you. It’s all about you baby!
A Flex 125 Cafeteria Plan is a “money for today” plan rather than waiting for retirement. This plan allows you to put money away in a special account in order to pay for child/adult care or medical expenses that your insurance doesn’t take care of. I love the medical side of this plan for chiropractic appointments, orthodontic braces, Lasik eye surgery, contacts, mileage to and from hospitals, co-pays, deductibles, prescriptions, Motrin, those great heating pads for your back, just all kinds of things for anyone living in your house that is on the same tax return (not just the employee but everyone)!! Think of it this way = if your local drug store told you that you’d be able to get 25% off most everything in their store if you had a coupon, you’d do it in a heartbeat. With the Flex Plan, the employer’s payroll department puts the money in the Flex account, then after you pick up your items from the drug store or visit the doctor, you turn in your receipt to your employer and they reimburse you.
The child/adult care portion works the same way. Get a receipt from your care provider and turn it in for reimbursement. You are already paying for the daycare, so why not save 25% by just turning in a receipt. That’s a no brainer!
The only thing is that if you put in too much money and don’t spend it within the time frame, you lose it. So be careful how much money you designate. Just don’t let that little thing stop you from participating!
All of these plans (retirement and Flex) are pre-tax which means the money is pulled out of your paycheck before the government taxes are taken out, saving you around 27% (depending on your tax bracket). So, if your normal salary is $1000 and you put $70 into your 401K and $30 into your Flex, the government only sees $900 to tax you on instead of the original $1000.
Another cool thing is that many employers will match some of what you are contributing to your retirement plan and some will even put money into your Flex 125 or a HRA (Health Reimbursement Account – it’s like a Flex account but the employer is putting their own money in for you to use). That’s free money!!
These are fabulous plans! Remember all of those goals you’ve made? Wouldn’t the extra money you are saving here go a long way to bringing those goals to fruition? You are so worth it!!
Heather
The general consensus among most parents, but especially sped parents, is that our kid’s medical bills are astronomical. I’m guessing most of us are on a payment plan with the hospitals. That’s our life. Plain and simple. I’m here to tell you that while our money may be counted for every penny, there are ways for you to set some money aside for yourself. Yes, I dared say it. Money just for you….not your children. Here’s a few tricks just for you…..
Did you know you can claim some medical expenses on your taxes? You will need to use an accountant who knows what they are doing with this particular topic! Fact is SPED kids have a lot of medical bills and a lot of extra expenses that you can’t claim on your taxes but that make life livable (like Sami’s toilet platform, clothes that fit, organic food). That’s where the accountant can help you sort through. The only time we were able to use the medical tax deduction was when we built our house. It was very tricky because we had to itemize each special expense compared to a normal house building expense (example: a normal door was $88 and ours were $108 because they were wider – we could use the $20 difference in our figures). Check with your accountant, but as I understand it, anything surpassing 7.5% of your salary spent for out of pocket medical stuff could be used as a tax credit type thingy (hey, I’m not an accountant). So, if you make $50,000, you’d have to spend more than $3750 in out of pocket expenses. Every dollar over the $3750 could be counted – not the first $3750. Check out the IRS website for specifics at http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p502.pdf . It’s worth it if you are really racking up the hospital visits and living accommodations. Even your mileage counts.
And speaking of IRS regulations: A 401(k), 403(b), and 457 are all retirement plans you can contribute to through payroll deductions (ingeniously named after the codes). Each has limits to the deposit amounts and each has it’s own rules about how long you have to keep the money in the account (and penalties for early withdraws – it’s retirement money, not a savings account). The great thing about these plans is that they are automatically done in payroll so you aren’t writing checks with what’s left at the end of the month and the limits are much higher than personal IRA’s so you can really sock away some funds for yourself! And if you are lucky, your employer will match some of your contributions for a little extra boost.
Knowledge is Power:
For each of these plans, you can choose Mutual Funds or Annuities to invest in. Both are just collections of stocks and bonds in nice little packages.
Stocks = pieces of ownership in a company, higher risk
Bonds = basically IOU’s, low risk, low returns
I like to think of Mutual Funds as pizzas. You have stocks and bonds that are like the toppings all spread out so that everyone gets a little bit, and you are only buying a slice of the pizza. Lots of people can put in their $5 and get a slice too. It’s a way to diversify and obtain many different stocks without having to put all of your nest egg into just one company (Enron anyone?). Mutual Fund companies differ in their hands on approaches. Some let you do most of it, some have more involved advisors.
An Annuity is a contract with an insurance company where they will invest your money for you in the same stocks and bonds as Mutual Funds (some even have Mutual Funds under their Annuity umbrella). It’s not life insurance! It’s just them investing your money. Typically, annuities have more fees involved than straight Mutual Funds because they usually come with some kind of guarantee (for instance: they may guarantee you won’t lose your initial investment) and they are supposedly watching your money for you more than other companies.
With both Mutual Funds and Annuities, you will need to watch out for surrender fees!!! These are fees the company charges you if you decide to move your money before they are willing to give your money up. I’ve heard of some companies having up to seven years before you can freely take your money without penalty. This usually comes into effect if you aren’t happy with your “profit” returns and want to change companies. Again, these are retirement accounts and not savings or emergency accounts. It’s not money for your kid, it’s money for you!
In a general sense, 401(k)’s are for profit businesses, 403(b)’s are for non-profits (like charities and schools) and 457’s are for government employees (police, fire, schools, city government, etc…). Did you notice that schools are listed twice? They are the only people who qualify for two separate plans and they can double up on their retirement savings. Lord knows they deserve a huge retirement after teaching for 30 years!!! The 403(b) and 457 are NOT the state retirement pension plans - these are on top of the state plans - where you control the dollar amount and investment company.
Your age, number of years to retirement, and goals should determine what Mutual Funds or Annuities you invest in. If an advisor asks you first how much money you have, turn around and walk out! They should find out what your life is about and where you want to be first, so they can work backwards to find a plan for you. It’s all about you baby!
A Flex 125 Cafeteria Plan is a “money for today” plan rather than waiting for retirement. This plan allows you to put money away in a special account in order to pay for child/adult care or medical expenses that your insurance doesn’t take care of. I love the medical side of this plan for chiropractic appointments, orthodontic braces, Lasik eye surgery, contacts, mileage to and from hospitals, co-pays, deductibles, prescriptions, Motrin, those great heating pads for your back, just all kinds of things for anyone living in your house that is on the same tax return (not just the employee but everyone)!! Think of it this way = if your local drug store told you that you’d be able to get 25% off most everything in their store if you had a coupon, you’d do it in a heartbeat. With the Flex Plan, the employer’s payroll department puts the money in the Flex account, then after you pick up your items from the drug store or visit the doctor, you turn in your receipt to your employer and they reimburse you.
The child/adult care portion works the same way. Get a receipt from your care provider and turn it in for reimbursement. You are already paying for the daycare, so why not save 25% by just turning in a receipt. That’s a no brainer!
The only thing is that if you put in too much money and don’t spend it within the time frame, you lose it. So be careful how much money you designate. Just don’t let that little thing stop you from participating!
All of these plans (retirement and Flex) are pre-tax which means the money is pulled out of your paycheck before the government taxes are taken out, saving you around 27% (depending on your tax bracket). So, if your normal salary is $1000 and you put $70 into your 401K and $30 into your Flex, the government only sees $900 to tax you on instead of the original $1000.
Another cool thing is that many employers will match some of what you are contributing to your retirement plan and some will even put money into your Flex 125 or a HRA (Health Reimbursement Account – it’s like a Flex account but the employer is putting their own money in for you to use). That’s free money!!
These are fabulous plans! Remember all of those goals you’ve made? Wouldn’t the extra money you are saving here go a long way to bringing those goals to fruition? You are so worth it!!
Heather
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Spending Money
CASH – SPENDING THE CHEESE
“If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for.”
-Florence Scovel Shinn
I know, for some money is as exciting as an orgasm, and for others it’s about as fun as digging dirt from under your toe nails. It’s not the money that brings you happiness, but the lack of it sure is stressful. No matter your situation (single, married, one child, 8 foster kids) you need to be in control of your money….rather than it controlling you.
First on the agenda, check out your debt! Do you know where your money is going each month - to the penny? I’ll be honest, I hate penny pinching, but it needs to be done because therapy, wheelchairs and surgeries cost money and I hate debt more than I hate watching nickels. Keep a spending diary for 2 months and see where your money is going. “I don’t remember buying the kids books last week” is a phrase often heard in my house. (of course, with my lack of sleep I’m lucky I remember where I live most days). I should have bought Kleenex and Target stock.
Once you know where your money is going, work on getting your debt eliminated! Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman have great books! Dave’s is more Christian and couple based, and Suze’s latest book is straight talk just for women. Both are easy to understand and follow so you can pick pieces from each that are comfortable to you, as long as you are following a plan to move forward. Both have TV/radio shows you can listen to if you are short on reading time, but we moms who have used them think the books are worth it.
For those with a partner, you’ll need to have some money that is all your own, in your own name only. This means a bank account and credit card. Put your allowance in it, any gift money, and money you get from selling your own stuff (not his prized baseball cards, but YOUR stuff). This is where Dave and I don’t agree, but to each his own. I’m just being practical here and Suze hits it right on. The account doesn’t have to be kept a secret from your partner, but they shouldn’t have access to it either.
Which brings me to “allowance”. Everyone should have spending money of their own to piss away in any way they choose, no questions asked. And it shouldn’t depend on how much money you bring into the budget – as in who has the greater paycheck. Whether its $20 a week, or $20 a month, you need to have some fun money!! This is important to your independence, to visibly show your kids that responsible budgeting includes taking care of one’s self, and it brings some positive “yippee skippies” to your daily duties because you know, in the back of your mind, that you have money and therefore you have options. Put the hospital on a payment plan and carve out some fun money for yourself. Your mental and physical well being are top priority!!
If you need a bit more help (and who doesn’t?) you can get FREE financial planning from the Special Needs Planning Center. They work with parents of SPED kids all over the country, giving clients a nice 3-ring binder full of the essentials of legal and financial advice/accounts/crap to protect you and your kids. They are super at explaining everything in the binder without being snotty know-it-alls. And, if you really don’t want to know that stuff (me!), they’ll just take care of it for you, as their customer service is outstanding. Even if you don’t have SPED kids, you can use their services for a reasonable fee. Contact them at www.specialneedskc.com and to read their newsletters you can look at www.specialneedsplanning.blogspot.com.
And what about money for your kids if you aren’t around? Your death isn’t something you want to think about, but who will take care of your children and how will they do it (do they need a new wheelchair equipped van, or house, do they need to move closer to your child’s hospital, do they need to quit their job) are things you need to answer today! If it’s not legally taken care of, you’ve left your kids to the court system. (Did you know that in some states, if you adopt foster kids, then die, they go back to foster care rather than to your family unless you have the legal papers stating otherwise? Scary!)
Do you need a Special Needs Trust? What is your back up plan for getting your child health insurance if you aren’t employed? What if you are in an accident but don’t die? Who will take care of you and the younglings? These questions really suck ass big time, but if you love your kids you’ll be a grown up and face them with confidence.
A non-profit organization is now doing their part to help distribute this information to parents. The Gifted Learning Project has developed an educational DVD, Financial Planning for Special Needs, and has made it available to the public. The DVD was created to help parents gain a basic understanding in how planning for their child with special needs is different. www.giftedlearningproject.org
REMINDER: neither I, nor my friends, are worth suing if you don’t like Ramsey, Orman, The Gifted Learning Project, or the SNPC. We aren’t endorsing here!! You have a brain and can use your own judgment. There are probably some financial advisors and estate planners in your community if you’d rather meet face to face. You’ll just have to do some searching. Get recommendations from family and friends. There are financial planners at all of the investment companies who sell their company’s investment products. There are also some stand alone advisors who are brokers that can invest your money for you with many different companies. The important thing is that it gets done ASAP!!
I know the stock market tanked, and we aren’t in a trusting mood, but that doesn’t take away everything else that needs to be done legally. I personally love the guys at SNPC because, honestly, they take care of me and it’s something I can take off my plate and not worry about. Who can ask for more…..well a winning lottery ticket would be nice.
Heather
“If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for.”
-Florence Scovel Shinn
I know, for some money is as exciting as an orgasm, and for others it’s about as fun as digging dirt from under your toe nails. It’s not the money that brings you happiness, but the lack of it sure is stressful. No matter your situation (single, married, one child, 8 foster kids) you need to be in control of your money….rather than it controlling you.
First on the agenda, check out your debt! Do you know where your money is going each month - to the penny? I’ll be honest, I hate penny pinching, but it needs to be done because therapy, wheelchairs and surgeries cost money and I hate debt more than I hate watching nickels. Keep a spending diary for 2 months and see where your money is going. “I don’t remember buying the kids books last week” is a phrase often heard in my house. (of course, with my lack of sleep I’m lucky I remember where I live most days). I should have bought Kleenex and Target stock.
Once you know where your money is going, work on getting your debt eliminated! Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman have great books! Dave’s is more Christian and couple based, and Suze’s latest book is straight talk just for women. Both are easy to understand and follow so you can pick pieces from each that are comfortable to you, as long as you are following a plan to move forward. Both have TV/radio shows you can listen to if you are short on reading time, but we moms who have used them think the books are worth it.
For those with a partner, you’ll need to have some money that is all your own, in your own name only. This means a bank account and credit card. Put your allowance in it, any gift money, and money you get from selling your own stuff (not his prized baseball cards, but YOUR stuff). This is where Dave and I don’t agree, but to each his own. I’m just being practical here and Suze hits it right on. The account doesn’t have to be kept a secret from your partner, but they shouldn’t have access to it either.
Which brings me to “allowance”. Everyone should have spending money of their own to piss away in any way they choose, no questions asked. And it shouldn’t depend on how much money you bring into the budget – as in who has the greater paycheck. Whether its $20 a week, or $20 a month, you need to have some fun money!! This is important to your independence, to visibly show your kids that responsible budgeting includes taking care of one’s self, and it brings some positive “yippee skippies” to your daily duties because you know, in the back of your mind, that you have money and therefore you have options. Put the hospital on a payment plan and carve out some fun money for yourself. Your mental and physical well being are top priority!!
If you need a bit more help (and who doesn’t?) you can get FREE financial planning from the Special Needs Planning Center. They work with parents of SPED kids all over the country, giving clients a nice 3-ring binder full of the essentials of legal and financial advice/accounts/crap to protect you and your kids. They are super at explaining everything in the binder without being snotty know-it-alls. And, if you really don’t want to know that stuff (me!), they’ll just take care of it for you, as their customer service is outstanding. Even if you don’t have SPED kids, you can use their services for a reasonable fee. Contact them at www.specialneedskc.com and to read their newsletters you can look at www.specialneedsplanning.blogspot.com.
And what about money for your kids if you aren’t around? Your death isn’t something you want to think about, but who will take care of your children and how will they do it (do they need a new wheelchair equipped van, or house, do they need to move closer to your child’s hospital, do they need to quit their job) are things you need to answer today! If it’s not legally taken care of, you’ve left your kids to the court system. (Did you know that in some states, if you adopt foster kids, then die, they go back to foster care rather than to your family unless you have the legal papers stating otherwise? Scary!)
Do you need a Special Needs Trust? What is your back up plan for getting your child health insurance if you aren’t employed? What if you are in an accident but don’t die? Who will take care of you and the younglings? These questions really suck ass big time, but if you love your kids you’ll be a grown up and face them with confidence.
A non-profit organization is now doing their part to help distribute this information to parents. The Gifted Learning Project has developed an educational DVD, Financial Planning for Special Needs, and has made it available to the public. The DVD was created to help parents gain a basic understanding in how planning for their child with special needs is different. www.giftedlearningproject.org
REMINDER: neither I, nor my friends, are worth suing if you don’t like Ramsey, Orman, The Gifted Learning Project, or the SNPC. We aren’t endorsing here!! You have a brain and can use your own judgment. There are probably some financial advisors and estate planners in your community if you’d rather meet face to face. You’ll just have to do some searching. Get recommendations from family and friends. There are financial planners at all of the investment companies who sell their company’s investment products. There are also some stand alone advisors who are brokers that can invest your money for you with many different companies. The important thing is that it gets done ASAP!!
I know the stock market tanked, and we aren’t in a trusting mood, but that doesn’t take away everything else that needs to be done legally. I personally love the guys at SNPC because, honestly, they take care of me and it’s something I can take off my plate and not worry about. Who can ask for more…..well a winning lottery ticket would be nice.
Heather
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Responsible vs Sacrifice
I’ve heard a lot lately, “a parents’ duty is to sacrifice”. I think we’ve mistakenly taken Responsibility and replaced it with Sacrifice. They are not the same interchangeable words.
Responsibility = the state of being reliable and accountable.
Sacrifice = to give up as a means to an end, to sell at a loss.
Since when is life supposed to be about how much you lose? Think about the lesson you are teaching your kids with the sacrifice attitude. You are telling them through your actions that they are the center of the universe right now but once they become adults and parents they have to lose everything about themselves….their identities, their joys, their passions. How depressing to have those expectations!
“You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.”
―Jeph Jacques
I think this quote is right on. And the hardest to live by. The expectations I used to have for myself were off the charts in the unrealistic category. I honestly thought I could work full time, be a full time mother, a full time housecleaner, a full time cook, a full time wife, a full time daughter, a full time friend, a full time nurse….all the while not asking for help from anyone or be thought of as weak and not worthy. That is pathetic! Seriously, there are only 24 hours in a day and nowhere in the schedule was relax, enjoy, savor, pleasure, a full time me.
I want to show my children that life is a pleasure even while they are responsible. I never want them to think that sacrificing their whole lives is the best and only way of life. I love to read, watch movies, do the puzzles in the paper and play volleyball. I am not giving these things up for my children. They have asked if I can stay home and not go out and I tell them that Mommy needs to have some play time with her friends. It makes Mommy happy. And when I’m happy I want to do extra nice things when I’m home.
“If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.”
―Bruce Barton
Maybe you should make a list of what you feel are the sacrifices and expectations you have placed on you : from yourself, your parents, your spouse, your kids, your friends, your boss. Now, which of those do you hate and resent the most doing? Come on, I know there are some if you are very honest with yourself. Okay, delegate those. Right now. Find someone else to do them. Tap into your deepest resources. Think outside of your norm. Start shifting things off your plate. Once they are off, do not put anything else on your plate…better yet, trade in your dinner plate for a dessert plate.
Here’s a few ways I’ve downsized to my dessert plate:
Scheduled time off on the family calendar. Even if I just sit at Barnes and Noble I’m out of the house.
All the grandparents are on Facebook and can see updated pictures whenever they want.
Dry cleaners will pick up and deliver if I need it.
The grocery store will gather my list up. Only used it twice but they are better at sticking to the list than I am!
Dishwasher cleans more than just dishes!
Take the time to organize (and throw out) closets, holiday decorations, cupboards, fridge, and freezers.
Food Swap with others. Fills your freezer up so you are just heating and eating.
Delegated half the chores to my husband and remind myself they are his and not my concern.
Live by the “touch it once” policy. Take care of things right then, don’t lay them on the counter.
Send the kids to the neighbor’s once a week. It’s a trade because I take theirs also.
Christmas is one gift from Santa, one from parents, one from sibling, and stockings. That’s it.
Each kid can do one activity at a time. Right now it’s Scouting on Thursdays.
Now, I have time to spend with my kids teaching them the real lessons I want them to learn in life – take care of yourself, take care of others who truly need help – which, to me, is being responsible.
Heather
Responsibility = the state of being reliable and accountable.
Sacrifice = to give up as a means to an end, to sell at a loss.
Since when is life supposed to be about how much you lose? Think about the lesson you are teaching your kids with the sacrifice attitude. You are telling them through your actions that they are the center of the universe right now but once they become adults and parents they have to lose everything about themselves….their identities, their joys, their passions. How depressing to have those expectations!
“You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.”
―Jeph Jacques
I think this quote is right on. And the hardest to live by. The expectations I used to have for myself were off the charts in the unrealistic category. I honestly thought I could work full time, be a full time mother, a full time housecleaner, a full time cook, a full time wife, a full time daughter, a full time friend, a full time nurse….all the while not asking for help from anyone or be thought of as weak and not worthy. That is pathetic! Seriously, there are only 24 hours in a day and nowhere in the schedule was relax, enjoy, savor, pleasure, a full time me.
I want to show my children that life is a pleasure even while they are responsible. I never want them to think that sacrificing their whole lives is the best and only way of life. I love to read, watch movies, do the puzzles in the paper and play volleyball. I am not giving these things up for my children. They have asked if I can stay home and not go out and I tell them that Mommy needs to have some play time with her friends. It makes Mommy happy. And when I’m happy I want to do extra nice things when I’m home.
“If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.”
―Bruce Barton
Maybe you should make a list of what you feel are the sacrifices and expectations you have placed on you : from yourself, your parents, your spouse, your kids, your friends, your boss. Now, which of those do you hate and resent the most doing? Come on, I know there are some if you are very honest with yourself. Okay, delegate those. Right now. Find someone else to do them. Tap into your deepest resources. Think outside of your norm. Start shifting things off your plate. Once they are off, do not put anything else on your plate…better yet, trade in your dinner plate for a dessert plate.
Here’s a few ways I’ve downsized to my dessert plate:
Scheduled time off on the family calendar. Even if I just sit at Barnes and Noble I’m out of the house.
All the grandparents are on Facebook and can see updated pictures whenever they want.
Dry cleaners will pick up and deliver if I need it.
The grocery store will gather my list up. Only used it twice but they are better at sticking to the list than I am!
Dishwasher cleans more than just dishes!
Take the time to organize (and throw out) closets, holiday decorations, cupboards, fridge, and freezers.
Food Swap with others. Fills your freezer up so you are just heating and eating.
Delegated half the chores to my husband and remind myself they are his and not my concern.
Live by the “touch it once” policy. Take care of things right then, don’t lay them on the counter.
Send the kids to the neighbor’s once a week. It’s a trade because I take theirs also.
Christmas is one gift from Santa, one from parents, one from sibling, and stockings. That’s it.
Each kid can do one activity at a time. Right now it’s Scouting on Thursdays.
Now, I have time to spend with my kids teaching them the real lessons I want them to learn in life – take care of yourself, take care of others who truly need help – which, to me, is being responsible.
Heather
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