February 23, 2009
Calling all ‘Martyr Moms’!
You are the mothers of special needs kids who surrender your lives to care giving 24/7, are revered by the media, and spoken of in hushed tones by the people who know you. Typically you stay hidden in your homes, admonishing yourselves for burdening others. Your friends politely refuse invitations for play dates as they are too uncomfortable around your child but don’t know how to change.
What a terrible burden for everyone involved.
In the luck of the genetic draw, you caught a joker (or two or six), so for the rest of your life you are expected to put yourself and your needs last. Your kids need you. There is no question about that fact. But whoever elevated suffering for your children into a cause should be horsewhipped!
Suffering can’t always be avoided, but when it can, it SHOULD be. Suffering sucks. There are plenty of successful parenting books about putting yourself first—but they don’t address what to do when your child needs more, often much more, than a ‘normal’ kid. You feel alone.
You become a martyr mom*, lack luster, quiet, sunk and trapped.
Well, no more! I’m the mother of two special needs kids and I’m here to say ENOUGH!!
Just run away. That’s right; I’m telling you to ditch your kids on a regular basis. I’m also telling you in this blog to cry, scream, journal, cook, work, wear sexy heels, get a lover, anything to salvage your sanity and to put the mask on you first.
Martyrdom Sucks (the blog and the book) say the things real parents are thinking, but don’t dare say aloud. It tackles the grief, guilt, anger, and resentment you special moms feel about the burden you’ve been given and the joys you can find. The real stories that I, and many other mothers, tell come from our hearts and reach out to you about our losses (of dreams and expectations… and sleep) and how we gained the confidence to walk tall again.
After listening to so many other lost mothers of special needs children, I felt I had to reach out and encourage women to be women, then to be mothers, in that order. No other blog or book on the market about special needs parenting really allows moms to do that. Everything else gives two sentences to the typical “setting aside time for a bubble bath” but the rest is how much you should be fighting society and sacrificing for your child.
Fighting and sacrificing doesn’t make happy moms or happy kids. Chocolate helps, but it’s really being able to know you are part of a community that builds strong moms and stronger families. Martyrdom Sucks is your road map to sanity.
*And not to ignore fathers or friends and family members – they will eventually have their own reference blogs and books as each has a unique perspective of the child and how he/she affects, not only the child’s life, but the mother’s too….I’m just getting started so they have to wait. You’re number one on my priority list.
Always know your opinions are welcome. Your exact situation is different from every other woman on the planet, so I need your voice in forming this community. Let me know what’s on your mind!
Welcome my goddess friends! You inspire me each and every day!! Happy reading.
I'm also on twittermoms!!